Parenting Changes Everything

While I don't usually blog about family stuff (Jessica's blog is the usual destination for that, which, incidentally, is why she gets more readers than I do), I had an experience today that reminded me that being a parent changes everything.

I rarely go to movies in theaters. It's too expensive, and ever since I spent a summer working in a movie theater and saw the horrors that go on there, I can't go near the concession stand without having flashbacks. (The upside was free movies and getting to work with my best friend, Lisa.)

I made an exception today to go see Inception. I love Christopher Nolan's movies, plus I'd promised my friend Will that I'd write a movie study for YMToday.

A little more than halfway through the movie, when the crew is just starting the "big job" that drives the plot, I got a phone call. I ignored it at first because I didn't recognize the number, and let it go to voicemail, but when the same number called me a few minutes later, I knew it must be urgent.

It turned out that Kate was being sent home from daycare, along with half her class, with a very high fever. I had to walk away from the film I'd paid $8 to see so I could go sit in the waiting room at the pediatrician.

Sounds annoying, right? Two years ago I would have thought so. But since Kate had a fever and was feeling sleepy, she clung to me the whole time and pretty much just buried her head in my shoulder, even as other kids were screaming and running around.

It's going to cost me $8 more to find out how Inception ends, but those kind of tender moments with my little girl are priceless.

Experience and Health Care

As many folks out there know, Kate had the flu last week. She's much better now, and everything went pretty smoothly, but as new parents facing the first illness, having her fever go over 104 degrees was pretty scary! (Jessica wrote a couple blog posts about the experience)

Experiencing the health care system for the first time from the parent's perspective has caused me to reflect on the current national debate about reforming it.

On Monday afternoon, when Kate's fever spiked high enough that we knew we should take her to the doctor, we were able to immediately get an appointment and be seen by someone within an hour. They wrote us a prescription, and we were able to get it filled right away at the pharmacy, and it helped get Kate's fever down. After a few days at home and a follow up visit to the doctor, she was all better and life could return to normal.

Why did all of this happen? Why did we have such a good experience, scary though it was at certain moments? The work of caring and dedicated medical professionals played a large part, of course. But we have the kind of access to them that not everybody has.

The first thing that the receptionist and the doctor's office or the pharmacy technician does is look on their computer to check our insurance information, and when they see that we have good coverage, they smile and are glad to help us. This isn't because they're greedy. It's because they need to earn money like anybody else, and the knowledge that we can pay gets us better treatment.

A quick glance around the waiting room at the pediatricians' office showed us people with kids as sick or sicker than ours, some of whom were unable to be seen or were having to wait a very long time because they had little or no coverage.

So why does Kate deserve better care than these other kids? The idea that we live in a meritocracy, that those who work harder deserve more, doesn't really apply here, because at eight months old, what has she done to deserve better treatment (other than being objectively the most beautiful baby ever, of course)?

The answer is that she gets better treatment because she won the genetic lottery, being born in the United States to an upper middle class family. Jessica and I won similar genetic lotteries back in the early 1980s. We've worked hard and made the most of the opportunities we've been given, of course, but no one can deny that we had infinitely more resources and opportunities than most people in this country, let alone the entire world. All because of the families we were born into.

We're told by some folks that giving all people access to a basic level of health care will somehow hurt us and make our lives worse. But I'm not sure how an infant whose parents both work blue collar jobs (or, for that matter, whose parents are out of work because of the economic downturn) getting the same basic care that Kate gets hurts my family.

Jessica and I are both very fortunate to have jobs that have enough flexibility to allow us to stay home when our child is sick. I don't see how some basic protections allowing people in less flexible jobs a certain amount of days to do the same hurts my family.

I'm still working on educating myself on the specific proposals, so at some point I'll probably be able to say what specific policy I'm in favor of.

So for now, let me simply say that equal access to health care for all people won't hurt my family. In fact, I think it will make it stronger. Jessica and I won't stop working hard and just depend on someone else to take care of us. But if one or both of us were to fall on hard times and lose our jobs or our coverage, at least we'd know that Kate would still be able to be seen by a doctor and not turned away because she picked the wrong time to get sick.

Why We're Baptizing Our Infant Daughter

Kate is being baptized this coming Sunday. We're very honored to have Rev. Dr. M. Douglas Meeks, a mentor and professor of mine from my seminary days at Vanderbilt, coming to preside at the baptism.

Over the years I've heard the argument more than a few times from my Baptist friends (and from a few Methodists who think they're Baptist) that infant baptism isn't biblical, valid, or anything else remotely good. (Jessica and I did a podcast about this issue last week, and Jessica wrote a really great blog post on the subject, too)

A cursory glance at the history of the Christian faith presents a different picture, however. In the 4th century St. Augustine (in one of his only major contributions to Christian theology that didn't turn out horribly) helped answer the question of what to do with people who came back into the Orthodox fold from a schismatic group called the Donatists. Augustine determined that the efficacy of baptism lay not in the holiness of the priest performing the sacrament (ex opere operato), but in the holiness of God.

In my own tradition, we view baptism as a sign of prevenient grace (a term Mr. Wesley learned from Jacob Arminius), which is symbolic of God's claim upon us. Kate doesn't understand the concept of God at three months old, but God's love for her and God's claim upon her life are no less real. In the same way she doesn't understand the concept of family, but she's no less a part of our family. Later she will be able to understand and claim for herself what has been true about her before she was even born.

Furthermore, baptizing an infant is an act of the church in which we are making a covenant to raise the child in the faith, provide a Christian example for them to emulate, and support them as they grow in their spiritual life. We are also reaffirming our covenant with one another and dedicating ourselves to emulating the divine life of perichoresis we see in the Holy Trinity.

So come to Bethlehem UMC this Sunday at 10am and celebrate with us!

The 1:28s

I know a lot of people of the Christian persuasion that have a "Life-verse" or some similar title, more or less referring to a Bible verse that defines or somehow shapes their life. I think this can be kind of cool, even though I become highly suspicious any time individual Bible verses are quoted with no reference to context. Blame my Div School education for that particular quirk.

I don't really have one, myself. I have a tattoo of a cross over my heart, with the citation "Romans 8:38-39" under it, so I guess that might count.

My wife, Jessica, says that Matthew 11:19 should be "my verse", because my name is Matthew and I was born on November 19. It's oddly appropriate because it says "The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and "sinners." ' But wisdom is proved right by her actions."

Read into that what you will. Those that know me (especially my college friends) can tell some stories.

Going on the "birthday verse" theme, I've been considering a particular Bible verse for my daughter, Kate, who was born on January 28. This isn't quite as easy as mine, since there is no biblical book called Kate or Katharine or anything like that. Blame patriarchy, I guess.

But nonetheless, I've been scanning through the Bible for books with a chapter 1, verse 28. Here are some of the cool ones I've found.

Genesis 1:28 "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.'" (them being the man and woman, who are given the names "Adam" and "Eve" in the second creation story in Genesis)

1 Samuel 1:28 "'So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD.' And he worshiped the LORD there." (Is this good or bad for a preacher's kid?)

Ezekiel 1:28 "Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking."

Mark 1:28 "News about him spread quickly over the whole region of Galilee." (if it said "region of the Internet" it would be perfect!)

Luke 1:28 "The angel went to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you."

Colossians 1:18 "We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ."

Of course, not every book of the Bible has a verse 1:28. Maybe a quarter of them do. And of those, there at least a half dozen that would be inappropriate or just weird. (Those of you with too much time on your hands can go look for the ones I'm talking about)

OK, so what does everyone think? I have two or three favorites, but I won't bias the discussion by saying which ones. Maybe I'll create a poll tomorrow.

Thanks again for all those who have left comments on Jessica's and my joint blog, Facebook, MySpace, sent emails, flowers, cards, visited, brought food, and everything else folks have done. We are truly grateful for and humbled by the outpouring of support from our friends and family.