Dads are Parents, too

Warning: a rant is about to commence.

The title should seem obvious, but in the last two and a half years, I've noticed a serious double standard when it comes to moms and dads.

I first experienced this when Kate was a few weeks old, after Jessica had gone back to work but before we put her in day-care, and I spent about six weeks caring for her by myself during the work day. Since I was pastoring a church, I couldn't just stay home, so she spent a fair amount of time in her car seat during that time.

I had her with me when I was doing sermon prep and meeting with someone at a local coffee shop, and a lady came up to me just beaming about how I was doing "such a good job" with her, in a tone that sounded like she was talking to a child. Would anyone have said something like that to a woman out by herself with an infant?

Other times people asked me if I was "babysitting" or "being dad today". No, I'm parenting, and I'm her dad every day, regardless of whether she's with me during work hours! Again, would anyone ask a woman if she was "being mom"?

While this apparent double standard is clearly gender-based, I'm not going to call it sexist, because it's only a mild annoyance, and nothing compared to to challenges and discrimination many women face every day.

Still, next time you see a man in public with his children, don't demean him by acting like he's doing something special or incredibly difficult. He's simply doing his job and carrying his share of the load so his wife's life is a little bit easier.

OK, rant over. Thanks for reading.

Parenting Changes Everything

While I don't usually blog about family stuff (Jessica's blog is the usual destination for that, which, incidentally, is why she gets more readers than I do), I had an experience today that reminded me that being a parent changes everything.

I rarely go to movies in theaters. It's too expensive, and ever since I spent a summer working in a movie theater and saw the horrors that go on there, I can't go near the concession stand without having flashbacks. (The upside was free movies and getting to work with my best friend, Lisa.)

I made an exception today to go see Inception. I love Christopher Nolan's movies, plus I'd promised my friend Will that I'd write a movie study for YMToday.

A little more than halfway through the movie, when the crew is just starting the "big job" that drives the plot, I got a phone call. I ignored it at first because I didn't recognize the number, and let it go to voicemail, but when the same number called me a few minutes later, I knew it must be urgent.

It turned out that Kate was being sent home from daycare, along with half her class, with a very high fever. I had to walk away from the film I'd paid $8 to see so I could go sit in the waiting room at the pediatrician.

Sounds annoying, right? Two years ago I would have thought so. But since Kate had a fever and was feeling sleepy, she clung to me the whole time and pretty much just buried her head in my shoulder, even as other kids were screaming and running around.

It's going to cost me $8 more to find out how Inception ends, but those kind of tender moments with my little girl are priceless.